bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Your tits are I can't wait for
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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