I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
