I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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