I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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