I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
