Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
