oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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