I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
