Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
