She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he thought i was a dude.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize