Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
