if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
