2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
