Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
