I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
