By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
