I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Who did Billy Mays play for?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Found the puke drawer
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
