that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
