I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
