never play flip cup with pint glasses
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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