You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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