Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
