The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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