At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
