Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
