I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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