Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
