I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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