You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
