he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
