when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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