Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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