Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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