This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize