6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize