so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
