i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
