Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
