His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
