Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
