Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
