the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
well I can't set my house on fire every night
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
