so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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