Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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