I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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