I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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