Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize