Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Boobs speak an international language.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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