why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so let's talk penis.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
