I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
