Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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