Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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