i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
