toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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