Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
