Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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