apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
