why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
