2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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