Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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