How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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