i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
