Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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