Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
