I wanna bring you to show and tell
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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