So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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