i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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