just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
