The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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