i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
