a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
