I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
