If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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