I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize