I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
