I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
